All characters are the property of Rumiko Takahashi and are used without permission, so if she read this, well, um, she might do something. I don't really know what she'd do, to be honest, but, well, you get the idea.

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It was another one of those beautiful afternoons. The sun was shining, the sky was a beautiful shade of blue, and the weather was neither too hot nor too cold. The weather was so aesthetically pleasing that if the afternoon could have had a soundtrack, the music most certainly would have been cheerful and upbeat.

Ranma and Akane were walking home from school. Ranma was walking on top of the fence with his head turned away, gently nursing the bright red hand print on his cheek; Akane made a point of ignoring him as she walked just a few paces ahead of him.

"Ranma!" A voice called out from behind them.

Ranma turned his head and saw Ukyou running up.

"Heya, Ucchan, how's it hanging?" He asked in his standard macho voice.

"Hi Ranma, hi Akane," she wheezed, then stopped to catch her breath. Ukyou looked conspiratorially in all directions for a moment before leaning in close to Ranma's face. Akane moved in close, too, in order to make sure that Ukyou didn't try anything unusual.

"Ranma," Ukyou began, "you're in danger. Shampoo has some new potion that she's gonna use to make you fall in love with her!" Akane knitted her eyebrows.

"Oh, is that all you had to tell me?" Ranma chuckled and threw his hands behind his head. "Don't you worry, Ukyou, no quack remedy is gonna make me fmrph-" He was cut off by the bicycle that landed on his face.

"Nihao, Airen!" Shampoo cheerfully jumped off of her bicycle and glomped onto Ranma, which made him gag and look around uncomfortably.

"Shampoo!"

"Ranma is thirsty? Shampoo have special Chinese power drink that give many proteins and minerals. It good for athletes, give energy!" She produced a plastic sports bottle from nowhere, using some form of cartooney magic.

"Special Chinese power drink, huh?" Akane asked suspicuiously, placing her hands on her hips.

"Ooh, what-EVER, you hussy!" Ukyou hissed at Shampoo, whipping out her large spatula.

"STOP SPEAKING SPATULA GIRL!!" Shampoo screamed, then resumed her normally bubbly facade as she turned back to Ranma and Akane. "Too true! Is like Gatorade, but better. It Chinese," she added with wide-eyed mystical wonder. "Shampoo made just for Ranma. Ranma drink, yes?" She moved closer to him, holding the bottle up to his face. "Drink quickly, is good. Make nice, Ranma."

As Ranma backed away, Ukyou swung at the bottle with her spatula, which Shampoo deftly whisked out of the way. Shampoo did not, however, expect the bottle to fly out of her grasp entirely, which is exactly what it did next.

A familiar cackling sound reverberated through the unsuspecting neighborhood. Shampoo, Ukyou, Ranma and Akane looked up to the nearest street lamp to see Kodachi twirling her ribbon in a spiral towards them, holding the bottle in her other hand.

"Oh ho ho, what have we here? Some impudent wench is trying to force this drink on my darling Ranma? I fail to see the necessity of this action. "Oh, Ranma, my love!" She leaped down to stand directly in front of Ranma. "If it's Gatorade you want, dearest, I will buy you all the Gatorade in Japan. No, better yet, all the Gatorade in the WORLD!" She pulled him into an embrace, burying her face in his chest.

"Erk," Ranma replied as eloquently as he could.

"Hey! Ranma, get off of her, you pervert!" Akane lunged her backpack at his head; this time she hit him on the other cheek. "You jerk!"

"But Akane, I-"

"Saotome, you cur! Is man no more than this? I, Tatewaki Kunou, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, shall bring you to justice!"

"Oh, my darling Shampoo, at last I've found you!" Mousse glomped onto Kunou from behind, the latter having raised his bokken high above his head. "Aauugh! What happened to your breasts?!"

"Hast thou lost ALL thy senses, man?"

"Hands off, girlie! Ranma's MY fiance!" Ranma could feel a spatula prying Kodachi off of him.

"Get back to your trailer park, you-you hateful, hateful girl!"

"Ranma no want scary crazy girl. Ranma marry sexy Shampoo!"

"But I'm the CUTE fiancee!"

"Over my dead body!"

"If that's whatcha want, sugar!"

"No challenge for Shampoo! Kill!"

"DIE, BITCHES, DIE!!"

"Hmph. Looks like I'm not needed here. If you're not home in half an hour, Ranma, I'll just tell Kasumi that you won't be coming home for dinner." Akane stomped off towards the Tendo dojo.

"Akane, wait-mmphhh!" Ranma feebly struggled against the violent tide of oppression as he felt himself being beaten into the ground under the mass of surly teenage martial artists with murder on their minds.

"Ranma! You enemy of women! What have you done to Akane this time? Prepare to die!" Ranma looked up to see Ryouga's fist diving towards him in between the others, who were too caught up in their own brawling to notice. Ranma easily dodged the assault and felt the pavement shatter underneath him.

"Ryouga!" Ranma exclaimed, his face brightening. "Long time no see, P-Chan! Let's go fight where there's more room. Follow me!"

"Huh?" Ryouga looked up from his crater to see Ranma running off down the street. Ranma looked over his shoulder, stuck out his tongue, and called out, "Catch me if you can, Ham- brain!"

"Why, that-" Ryouga shook his fist. "I'll get you, Ranma!" He yelled, chasing after him.

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Luckily for Ryouga, he was able to keep Ranma just barely in his sight as he ran along. He finally caught up to him in a nearby park, where Ranma had already parked himself under a tree, sitting on his head in an upside-down lotus position. Ryouga quietly "hmph"-ed to himself before slipping his hand under Ranma's head and lifting him bodily up to eye level. Ranma noticed how easily Ryouga could do this with just the one hand.

"Mind telling me what all that was about, Ranma?" He seethed.

Ranma sighed. "Man, I don't know what's going on myself half the time. People show up out of nowhere and either try to glomp onto me or kill me. It's not my fault I'm so popular."

A low growl escaped Ryouga's throat as he dug his fingers into Ranma's skull. "Ranma!" He barked, "Don't mock my desire to kill you! And don't call me 'Ham-brain'!"

Ranma batted his eyes prettily at Ryouga from his upside-down perspective. "Who, me?"

Ryouga raised an eyebrow skeptically. "What are you doing?"

"Doing what?" he asked, still maintaining his doe-eyed expression.

"You're looking at me funny," Ryouga explained.

It took Ranma a second to realize what he was talking about. "Oh," he said, a sweat drop forming on the back of his head, "I, um, I guess I forgot that I, er, that I'm not in my girl form right now."

*How could he forget a thing like that?!* Ryouga wondered to himself. He tilted his head to the side in order to look at him right-side-up, but unconsciously tilted Ranma's head too, causing Ranma to lose his balance and fall over on top of Ryouga. The two fell to the ground in a tangled mess of limbs, struggling for a few moments before Ranma lifted himself up and pinned Ryouga underneath him.

"Ryouga," he breathed, a smile playing at the corners of his lips. He found himself looking into Ryouga's eyes, wondering at the expressions of confusion, anger, and sorrow buried within those soft brown circles, wandering his gaze down the edge of Ryouga's cheek , following smooth, youthful flesh to the small tuft of hair sticking out under his bandanna in front of his ear, along Ryouga's jaw line, smelling Ryouga's own musky scent, oh how often did he ever get close enough long enough to breath in that faint scent, to look so closely at the tender skin of his neck and up at those soft lips, rigid and lined with tension, the tips of his fangs poking out along the seam where his lips parted, he could almost feel the strength behind those lips, feeling Ryouga's hot moist breath against his face...

He felt the punch to his gut as it sent him flying backwards against the nearest tree.

"Ranma!" Ryouga exclaimed as he sat up and crossed his hands over his chest. "What the HELL was THAT?!"

Ranma got up slowly, stunned. *What the hell WAS that?* he wondered. "Um..." He put one hand behind his head and looked around to see if anyone else had been watching. The coast seemed clear.

"Are you feeling all right, Ranma?" Ryouga asked, concerned but extremely cautious. He furrowed his brows, carefully keeping his distance away.

Ranma still sat there for a moment not knowing what to say, until his manly persona finally kicked in.

"Of course I'm all right! Never felt better! Why, if you weren't so weak, you wouldn't 've gotten pinned like that!" He stood up and brushed himself off. "You know I don't like bullyin' the weak, P-Chan. Well, I'd love to stay an' chat, but I gotta run if I don't wanna miss dinner. Later, Piggy!" With that he dashed off like greased lightning, leaving Ryouga alone in the park.

Ranma sped home, unsuccessfully trying not to think about what had happened with Ryouga and wondering why it happened. He wanted to kick himself. He had a strange, unfamiliar feeling of hollowness in his chest which he hoped would go away after he had something to eat. *Yeah,* he rationalized, *there's no reason why this won't go away after I get some food. Maybe some katas after dinner to take out some of the tension.* The image of Ryouga's face lying so close to his own appeared in his mind. *It'll go away,* he determined, setting his jaw.

Ranma excused himself from the dinner table as soon as he had finished wolfing down his sukiyaki. He wondered if anyone else could sense the shame he was feeling. To him it seemed like there was a bright neon sign hanging over his head, but if there was no one noticed it. In fact, hardly anyone paid him much attention at all, and that itself disturbed him. All the same, he wanted to leave their presence as soon as possible.

--PUNCH!-- He practiced his katas in the dojo, relying on the physical exertion to take his mind off of... things. Instead, it just forced him to think about them more fully.

How humiliating! --KICK!-- He hated showing any sort of emotion. Sometimes he would get these odd ideas that popped into his head from time to time, but he had usually managed to suppress them before. And he had always kept anyone else from discovering them.

But now Ryouga 'PUNCH'How could he have let his guard down like that?! Ryouga was one of the last people he wanted to witness something like that.

He began to do push-ups. He was a -one- guy and he shouldn't be -two- having thoughts -three- about other guys that's -four- unmanly and he just needed to -five- put them away cuz -six- he had to marry Akane -seven- whether he liked it or not -eight- and if he didn't -nine- his family would never -ten- forgive him and -eleven- he'd have to commit seppoku -twelve- cuz his mom wanted him to be -thirteen- a man and men don't -fourteen- think about other guys -fifteen- so these thoughts would just -sixteen- go away if only he'd -seventeen- act more like a guy and -eighteen- start liking women -nineteen- but he did or so he thought he should -twenty-- Ranma collapsed on the floor and rolled onto his back, looking critically at the ceiling.

He didn't know if he was attracted to girls or not. Up until the last year he had only had scant associations with the opposite sex, and now they seemed to swarm over him and fight to own him. Even Akane did this, though she denied it. It was like they just wanted him to get married and father children like some kind of'

"Hey, Stud Horse!" Ranma blinked. Suddenly Nabiki was standing right over his head. He lifted his legs into the air and used the momentum to flip himself into a standing position.

"Well, it's good to see that lying around on the job hasn't ruined your training," she teased, a smile playing at her lips.

"Yo, Nabiki, what's up?" he asked, slightly taken aback by her intrusion into his train of thought.

"I was just going to ask you that very question," she replied, then held up a photograph. It showed Ranma, lying on top of a nervous-looking Ryouga, leaning in for a kiss. Ranma cringed, a gargantuan sweat-drop forming on the back of his head.

"What I want to know," she continued, "is where your other hand was. Really, Ranma, I think you two would make a *darling* couple. But next time, I'd try seeing how Ryouga feels about it before you attack him like that. Still, this may be one for the album." She waved the picture in the air.

Ranma stammered. "It's not what it looks like! It was an accident! I tripped'we both fell'um'umm'" he faultered as Nabiki glared at him skeptically.

"Umm'how did you get that?" he added weakly.

Nabiki looked amused. "I'm the Great Nabiki," she answered smugly, "I know all and see all. I suppose I could get quite a bit of money off of this little snapshot'" here Ranma looked absolutely mortified '"but I won't, if you promise to do me a favor."

Ranma gulped. "What kind of a favor?" he asked nervously.

"Talk to Akane. She deserves to know what's going on with you. She may be naive about these sort of things, and our fathers may be blind to some of your...mannerisms...but it's a lot harder to hide stuff from me. And I think that if it had been me, I definitely wouldn't want to have to marry someone who's not attracted to my sex. Not that I disapprove of the lifestyle, mind you, just the reputation of being known as the clueless wife of a gay man'something I would rather not see happen to my little sister. So, I'd appreciate it if you would talk to her, and let her know what she needs to know."

During this speech, Ranma stared at her, stupefied. "W-w-what? ...mannerisms?"

"Oh, please, Ranma, if you were flaming any more, the house would catch on fire. It's in your walk, the way you talk, how you dress'" here she pointed at his orange shirt with the little red bow tie'"you know, I take that last one back. Queers usually have a better sense of style. Anyway, it's a full package deal' it just takes a little gaydar to put the pieces together."

"I'I'm'NOT'g'g'"

"Whatever." She placed the photograph gently into his hand. "This is yours to do with as you please. And this," she pulled out a scrap of paper with a name and phone number on it, placing it in his other hand, "is a friend of mine. His name is Rei and he's a good person to talk to for advice. He likes to help people who are feeling a bit...confused. Don't worry," she added, stepping towards the door, "I'm on *your* side! Just let my sister know when you figure things out." With that, she walked back to the house, leaving behind a flustered, dumbfounded Ranma.

Ranma looked at the empty doorway, then at the number, then at the photograph. He shoved them both into his pocket, and sat down on the floor, hard.

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"Stupid Nabiki!" Ranma stomped into his room. "How dare she say crazy stuff like that? She don't know'" he trailed off.

"The way I talk?" He paused and thought a moment. "She sells sea shells down by the sea shore. She sells sea shells...aauuggh! Was that a lisp? I'm lisping! I don't lisp! I'm not supposed to lisp! That don't mean nuthin'!" He grunted manfully and took out his pillow from where the bedding was stored in the cabinet. Reaching inside his pocket he pulled out the picture and the slip of paper with the phone number Nabiki had given him. Nobody would find them in here, he thought, slipping them inside the pillowcase. He carefully placed the pillow back in the cabinet and placed his hands on his hips.

"I'm a guy! I do guy things and I'm a martial artist so it don't matter none how I talk!" He left the room and walked towards the stairs. He stopped in mid-step, looked down at his feet, and took a few tentative steps. "How *do* I walk?" He wondered. He slumped his posture just a little and took a couple wide, swaggering steps, thinking it might look more macho. Akane opened the door to her room as he walked by.

"Ranma, are you feeling all right?" She frowned.

Ranma jumped, then straightened himself out. "Whaddaya mean, Akane? 'Course I'm all right! I dunno about you, though. You'll have to work a lot harder at being sexy if you wanna attract half as many men as me." He winced inwardly.

What would she think he meant by that?

Akane growled, pulled him into her room, and flung him out the window into the koi pond.

"Well, at least she didn't take it the wrong way," Ranma told herself. She quickly wrung out her clothes and headed to the kitchen. He had been too nervous during dinner to eat much.

She opened the refrigerator door and looked around for a minute before settling on a medium-sized squid, one of her favorite snacks. She was just about to take a bite when she noticed the *shape* of the squid'more exactly, what the squid reminded her of. She gasped in horror and dropped it on the floor.

"Remind me never to eat whole squid again," she told herself as she washed it off and put it back into the fridge. Sighing, she closed the door and headed back outside, jumping onto the roof. She sat down and hugged her knees, thinking. She was just going to have to pay closer attention to how people saw him.

She didn't hear the other footsteps on the roof until they were right behind her.

"Hello, Ranma," Ryouga mumbled softly

Ryouga sat down next to Ranma-chan on the roof. Both fidgeted slightly.

"Er, hey, Ryouga," said Ranma nervously. She felt her face go red, remembering what she'er, he had done that afternoon in the park. "Um, I'm *sorry*." She did her best to bow formally to Ryouga from where she was sitting.

Ryouga looked more than a bit surprised, but even more surprisingly accepted the apology without yelling at or hitting Ranma. He hugged his legs to his chest and looked up at the stars.

"What's going on with you, Ranma?" Ryouga asked with agitation. "Was there some potion did you eat anything weird?"

Ranma thought for a moment. "Well, uh, no. Not that I remember, anyway."

"Has it happened before?"

Ranma looked around uneasily and then focused her attention on a specific tile on the roof.

"Yes," she answered weakly, then added, "but not like that. Before they were just thoughts that I could suppress."

Ryouga furrowed his brows. "All guys get those thoughts, Ranma. *I* get them, sometimes, but it doesn't mean anything." Ranma felt a little relieved at this revelation, but it wasn't enough.

"Nabiki thinks I'm gay."

"Hmph. She's just a girl," he reasoned, "what would she know about that?"

"I dunno. She said it's in the way I talk and how I move and stuff." She fidgeted.

Ryouga snorted. "Stereotypes, Ranma," he told him, "they don't have anything to do with who you are." He stood up. "You're not gay, and I'll make sure of it," he said, clenching his fist. Ranma jumped up, a look of hope on her face.

"Really? How?"

"Ranma," he began, placing his hands on Ranma's shoulders, "we're *rivals*. Do you remember how you helped me when I got too strong, and how I helped you to learn the Hiryuu Shouten Ha when you were weak? Well, this is just another weakness! We'll get you over it, and no one has to know!" He grinned, a fang peeping out between his lips.

"You would do this for me? Oh, thank you, Ryouga!" Ranma hugged him tightly. Ryouga blanched, then coughed sternly.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry." Ranma pulled away, visibly embarrassed. "So, what's your plan?"

Ryouga thought for a minute, then snapped his fingers. "Aha! We'll take care of this in the dojo! Hmm," he looked critically at Ranma's feminine body, "I think we'd better use your guy form for this."

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Ranma-kun sat in a chair in the middle of the dojo at Ryouga's instruction, after they had both made sure that everyone else was already asleep. Ryouga fished through his backpack, pulling out some rope and a pair of handcuffs. He loaded a couple CDs into the stereo at the far side of the room. Ranma eyed the objects nervously.

"Um, so what exactly are we doing?"

Ryouga used the rope to tie Ranma's legs to the chair. "Have you ever heard of forcing kids to smoke so they won't want to do it anymore?"

"Yeah," he answered slowly.

"Well, this is kinda like that," Ryouga continued, handcuffing Ranma's hands behind him. "Only I'm gonna make you O.D. on looking at my body so you'll get disgusted and not want to do it any more." Ryouga smiled at his own ingeniousness.

"Uh I'm not so sure this is the best way to do it, Ryouga," Ranma replied uneasily, eyeing the CD player. Ryouga hit the play button and moved to stand directly in front of Ranma. "Just shut up already," he commanded, waiting for the music to start.

*At first I was afraid*

*I was petrified*

Ryouga removed his sash and flung it across the room, his tunic billowing loosely against his chest. Ranma sweat-dropped.

*Thinking I would never live without you by my side*

Ryouga lifted his shirt over his head, revealing his well-defined torso. *And I spent those lonely nights thinking how you done me wrong*

*But I was strong and then I knew I'd carry on*

Ryouga spun his shirt around over his head and threw it aside. As the beat kicked in, he began to dance slowly, throwing in a few kicks and punches for good measure, being sure to accentuate the rippling of his muscles to the timing of the music, all the time watching for Ranma's expression.

Ranma's eyes were like saucers. He had spent so much energy trying to suppress his fleeting thoughts about the male body, especially Ryouga's, and now here it was being driven into his consciousness as Ryouga performed this exotic topless dance just for him. He gulped hard as he watched the lines of Ryouga's figure, the curves of his muscles as he swayed back and forth to the beat, slowly moving his pelvis in a subtle figure-eight motion. *Oh Kami oh Kami I shouldn't be seeing this* he thought, shivering with pleasure and inward disgust, small beads of sweat forming on his forehead. He shut his eyes tightly to destroy the effect Ryouga's performance was having on his entire body.

"Hey! Pay attention, dammit!" Ryouga bopped him on the head. Ranma snapped back into attention, no longer in control of his reactions.

Ryouga propped his foot on Ranma's leg and forced him to untie his leg lacing with his teeth. The knot came undone and the lacing made its way to the floor as Ryouga shook it off, his pant leg flowing loosely around his hardened calf. He lifted up his other leg to Ranma's mouth and repeated the process, Ranma obeying and watching with rapt attention. The music continued to play:

*I will survive! I will survive!*

*Oh, as long as I know how to love I know I can survive...*

Ryouga unbuttoned his fly and lowered his pants, still swaying in time to the music, revealing a pair of form-fitting blue silk boxers, then one bare thigh, then the whole leg, then the other leg was free, and he kicked the pants off into the corner. He was now dancing only in his underwear, bringing Ranma to a new level of agitation. Ranma was now breathing more heavily and fidgeting, trying to arrange himself into a more comfortable position on the chair.

The first song ended and the turntable moved on to the next CD, which leaped immediately into "Closer to God". Ryouga slowed his pace to fit the sensuous beat. Ranma squirmed, watching the way the silk of Ryouga's boxers rode against his thigh, riding up just a bit when he lifted his leg high in the air in a slow, arcing kick. Ranma's palms were sweating profusely and every inch of him felt like it was on fire with sensation, centering into a building heat in his groin.

Ryouga was in a state near delirium. He couldn't help but feel a strong surge of power as Ranma gazed at him in awe, helplessly and obviously aroused. *Someone* was aroused by him! And it was *Ranma*! Was this revenge holding this final victory after everything Ranma had done to him? He couldn't help but feel excited at his long-time rival's attraction to his body.

*I wanna fuck you like an animal*

*I wanna feel you from the inside*

As the music continued, Ryouga fell into his own trance, needing to see just how far he could push his spell over Ranma. Moving closer, he slid onto Ranma's lap. Ranma jumped, but was unable to move, being tied down and pinned under Ryouga's weight. Ryouga began a series of pelvic thrusts to the beat of the music, smiling devilishly as he watched Ranma writhe underneath him, his own pelvis moving to Ryouga's rhythm, his breathing in ragged gasps. He ignored the bulge in Ranma's pants, keeping up his lap dance as he undid the bow tie on Ranma's shirt. He carefully unbuttoned the shirt three-quarters of the way down, caressing his fingers down Ranma's bare chest until he reached the waist, Ranma gasping at his touch. Ryouga slid backwards, trailing his hands down the sides of Ranma's hips and thighs, until he removed himself from his lap and stood back a few paces. He turned around and slipped his fingers into the sides of his boxers, his back facing Ranma. *Ranma's seen me before,* he reasoned, *this is no big deal.* *But not like this!!* another voice in his head argued. He dismissed this idea and lowered his boxers below his hips where they fell to the floor, showing off his tight, naked ass. He turned around.

Ranma had passed out and knocked the chair over backwards, blood gushing from his nose.

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When Ranma woke up, he found himself lying on the floor in the bathroom with two wads of kleenex up his nose.

"Well, I thought you'd *never* wake up."

He sat up, looked around, and saw Ryouga bathing in the furo. Ranma's face turned a deep shade of red and he spun around quickly.

"Oh, uh, hey Ryouga," he said to the wall. Ryouga suddenly became aware of his nudity. He blushed and slid further under the level of the water, even though Ranma couldn't see him.

"So, do you think it worked?" he asked cautiously.

Ranma looked at Ryouga over his shoulder, placed a hand behind his head, and laughed like an idiot. "Aheh heh heh heh heh!! It was, um, very, y'know, thanks for the, er, you did a good job," he waffled, twiddling his fingers.

Ryouga frowned. This was like seeing a mirror image of himself when he talked to Akane. Maybe his experiment had been the exact wrong thing to try it looked as though it hadn't cured Ranma at all. He stood up and stepped out of the furo.

Ranma zipped his head back towards the wall.

Ryouga dried off, got a set of clothes out from his stash under the sink, and got dressed nervously, feeling uncomfortable under Ranma's concentrated avoidance. He hoisted his backpack onto his shoulders.

"Well, Ranma, I guess I'd better be going," he explained, as Ranma looked both relieved and hurt at the same time, "I hope it all works out for you. See ya," he called out as he leaped out of the bathroom window.

"Ryouga, wait'" Ranma cried, but it was already too late as Ryouga had already disappeared over the next roof. He leaned his back against the bathroom wall and exhaled heavily. What the Hell...

******************************************************************************

Ryouga stood on a hilltop overlooking the night cityscape of Nerima. A gentle breeze blew through his bangs and dried the unshed tears in his eyes.

*Farewell, Akane,* he thought in his mental diary, *I think it's best if I stay away from here for a while. I allowed my body to betray you this evening and I used it as a weapon against your own fiance. I did not act in the way that a true martial artist should behave. I cannot expect you to understand' I only hope that someday you will be able to forgive me. I think that I overreacted at the idea that anyone would be attracted to me that anyone would want this lonely warrior's heart. In the process I made myself unworthy of your love and possibly ruined your relationship with Ranma. Maybe if I stay away long enough, things will get back to the way they were. Please know that I'll carry you in my heart every moment of every day.* He blinked, a tear escaping down his cheek.

He turned away and headed down the path that led through the woods.

*Farewell, Ranma.*

Ranma couldn't sleep: every time he closed his eyes, images of Ryouga dancing before him plagued his memories and fired his imagination. Lying awake, his mind's eye took over the picture of Ryouga on his lap, writhing and thrusting, bringing his face closer to Ranma's until their foreheads were almost touching, Ryouga's hot breath reaching his lips, his fingers tracing down Ranma's torso. Then they began to undo his belt, unbuttoning his fly, and reaching down, down, those same fingers that could shatter boulders with a single touch were sliding into his boxers and grasping firmly around his hardened manhood......Ranma groaned and rolled over on his futon one more time, trying not to think about- that-in his efforts to fall asleep. Ryouga's words haunted him: "I'm gonna make you O.D. on looking at my body so you won't want to do it anymore." *Is his self-esteem really so low that he thought that would work?* Ranma wondered. In the end he gave up, and checked to make sure his father was fast asleep before turning on his other side. He reached into his pajama pants and took hold of his erection, sliding his hand up and down over the member until he finally came, semen spilling into his pants. He sighed almost inaudibly, feeling the wet spot before drifting off to sleep. What a mess his life had become.

He woke up late the next morning. He leaped out of bed, threw his clothes on, and flew down the stairs and into the dining area, where Akane stood naked in front of him, holding a plate with two pork buns in front of her chest.

"Yaaaahh!" He jumped backwards involuntarily. "What the Hell're you doin'?! Put your clothes on!"

"Ranma! Eat my pork buns!" She pushed the plate closer to him, holding two white orbs under his nose, the small pinches of dough at the top of each beckoning to him. They smelled rancid.

"I don't wanna eat those, they'll probably kill me!" He looked over her shoulder to the table. Kasumi laid out a small plate with a banana and two apricots. "Besides, the fruit looks a lot better. Can't I just eat the fruit instead?" *Gee, I wonder why Kasumi's naked too,* he mused silently.

"RAAAAAAANNNNNNNNMMMMMMMAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Akane bellowed, her aura tuning dark and venomous. "I'm warning you! Eat the pork buns!" She thrust the plate under his nose again.

"Aw, but I want the banana. Why don't YOU eat the pork buns?" He argued.

"The fruit plate is Akane's breakfast, Ranma," Kasumi explained daintily from the other side of the table. "You'll eat the pork buns, won't you?"

"Hmm, what's this?" Soun looked up from the game of shogi he was playing with Genma. The two of them were both stark naked. Suddenly Ranma found himself face- to-face with the trademark Sound Tendo Angry Head of Doom. "YOU *WILL* EAT MY LITTLE GIRL'S PORK BUNS, WON'T YOU??" he boomed, smoke flaring from his nostrils.

Genma held up a sign that read, "BROWR!"

Ranma backed away. "Um, well, I...Hey wait a minute, you're not a panda right now, pop!" He picked up his father and flung him outside into the koi pond, changing him into a panda with a loud splash.

"WELL??" Soun's raging head demanded, flicking its tongue in Ranma's direction. Akane stood next to him, holding up the plate and glowing darkly.

"Well, Ranma?" she hissed.

"Cheer up, Ranma!" Nabiki called from across the room. She was sitting propped up on the back legs of a chair, her legs crossed casually on top of the table, naked except for a man's suit tie, which she wore loosely around her neck. She puffed on a cigar. "Here, have a stogie!" She tossed him a cigar from a box on the table.

"Um, but-but I don't smoke," he argued, not sure whether to face her or the demonic Soun and Akane combination.

"Oh, come on, you know you want to," she grinned mischievously, taking another puff, "besides, it's just a cigar."

Before Ranma could respond, Kunou burst into the room wearing a three-piece suit, flinging a bouquet of roses at him. Music started playing and he pulled a stand-up microphone out of nowhere as the lights dimmed and a disco ball and multicolored lights came out of the ceiling. As Kunou began to sing "Simply Irresistible" into the mike, about fifty dancing Ryougas filed into the room one by one, each wearing only a pair of blue silk boxers, moving sensuously to the beat.

"Oh, man..." Ranma trailed off, as the Ryougas encircled him, cutting him off from all the others in the room, except for Kunou, who was busy singing directly at him.

"Hey! Quit that!" Ranma yelled, trying to stop them. "I'm a g-" he stopped shortly and looked down at himself. He was naked, and...both. He mumbled to himself.

"Oh, great. This just *would* be the day that I turn into a hermaphrodite."

A sign with the word "QUIET!" written on it hit Ranma over the head and knocked him into consciousness. He sat up on his futon and looked around, seeing that it was still dark, and he was in the room that he and his father slept in.

*Oh, man,* he thought, scratching the back of his head, *did I say that out loud?* He looked over to his father and saw that he had already fallen back asleep. Ranma sighed heavily and laid back down, staring at the ceiling. *One P- Chan,* he counted, *two P-Chans....*

********************************************************************************

"STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!!!!" Ryouga yelled, banging his head on a tree until it splintered and crashed noisily to the ground. It was the middle of the night, and he was lost...again. All he knew was that he was somewhere in a dark forest without even a path to follow...again.

But that wasn't the worst of it. He got lost all the time. What was really bothering him was that he felt like a complete and total idiot.

He sighed and dropped his pack heavily onto the ground, then sat down with a thud. "What were you thinking, Ryouga?" He asked himself. He grabbed a nearby slab of rock and began using the side of his hand to chop it into a big pile of little rocks. "Dancing in front of Ranma like that! He's really gonna hate me now! Whatever possessed me to do that?!" *Because you wanted to see him squirm,* a voice inside him seemed to say. He continued chopping up rocks.

"Yeah, that part was pretty good-I mean, after the Hell he's put me through," he confessed, "but I didn't need to go so far...*touching him*..." he shuddered. The idea sounded vile in retrospect.

*Hey, I don't think he minded,* his inner voice told him.

"No, but it didn't make him straight again, either," he stopped in mid-chop, "I think he's attracted to me."

*YES!* His voice sang.

"NO!"

*Don't you want someone to be attracted to you?*

"Well, of course-but not Ranma!"

*This might be the only chance you''ll ever get to experiment...*

"I don't need to experiment. I'm in love with Akane!"

*But you know she doesn't love you back.*

Ryouga shattered the rest of the stone in front of him. "I can love her from a distance," he resolved, "and make sure that Ranma is good to her."

*How can he be good to her when he gets a hard-on watching you strip-tease?*

"SHUT UP!" Ryouga found another big rock to start chopping into little pieces.

*Face it-this may be the only person who ever falls in love with you. He knows about the pig, he knows that your sense of direction sucks, and yet he still wants you.*

"Only my body," he muttered.

*How would you know? C'mon, we've been over this before. Aren't you lonely? Don't you want somebody to hold on to you?*

"Well, of course! But not Ranma..."

*Why not?*

"Listen, just because Ranma's attracted to guys doesn't mean that I am too!"

*You can fix that with a bucket of cold water.*

"But I'm in love with Akane!"

*Yeah, yeah, been there, done that, yada yada. Why pine after Akane when you can just have Ranma?*

"Listen!" He stood up, stretched, and started knocking down the trees around him. "I-PUNCH-AM-PUNCH-NOT-PUNCH-GONNA-PUNCH-FALL-KICK-IN LOVE-PUNCH-WITH-PUNCH- SOMEONE-KICK-JUST BECAUSE-PUNCH-HE'S-PUNCH-IN LOVE-KICK-WITH ME!" The last tree crashed to the ground, the sound reverberating throughout the forest. He sat down with a smile of satisfaction, deciding that he had won the argument.

Ryouga felt his stomach grumble. He reached into his pack for some dinner. Life in the woods really did appeal to him. There was something wild, something uncontrollable about the forest, the quiet seeping into him and pulling up the demons from his subconscious. Sometimes he didn't like to think about them, but the dark, deep forest was the only place where he could see inside himself, good and bad. Social rules could not censor his thoughts here.

He pulled out a small, square-shaped tupperware container and held it up to the moonlight to see what it was. He groaned involuntarily, recognizing it as the leftover blue jello Akane had given him the last time he had eaten with the Tendo's. He dug out a spoon.

"Well," he reasoned, "this will be my penance for betraying Akane earlier tonight. As long as I eat this, my future with her will be secure." He opened the lid and stuck in a spoon. The jello had a very slimy, non-gelatinous consistency to it. It didn't smell like anything that should be eaten, either.

Before he ingested a mouthful, he heard voices coming from somewhere nearby. Squinting his eyes, he could catch a very dim light in the distance. It looked like a tent.

"Maybe they can give me directions," Ryouga thought, and hoisted his backpack onto his shoulders, still carrying the open container of jello in his hand.

He stepped closer to the tent, trying to make out the voices inside.

"Oh my God, the noises are getting closer," he heard one of them say.

He walked up and knocked on the side of the tent.

Three voices screamed bloody murder inside. Instantly the tent flap opened on the other side and the three people bolted away, two of them carrying what looked like movie cameras on their shoulders.

"Wait! I didn't mean to scare you, I just wanted-"

"OH MY *GOD*, SOMETHING'S CHASING US!!!!!!!"

He tried to follow, but tripped over a backpack, spilling the blue jello all over it. Ryouga sighed.

"There go three more people who would rather run screaming into the night than talk to Ryouga Hibiki," he said, watching their figures disappear behind the trees. He looked down at the bag he had tripped over, feeling the blue slime on its surface.

"Looks like that's gonna leave a stain," he decided, thinking that he should do something to make up for the damaged property. Looking around, he saw the big pile of rocks he had created.

"I'll just leave a few rocks by their tent, and a pile of sticks for kindling," he gathered them up, smiling with satisfaction over his good deed, "that should help them to start a fire next time." He brushed the dirt off his hands and started to walk away. "No point in staying here," he decided.

And, strangely enough, he didn't feel bad about not eating Akane's jello.

End of Part 4