Title: Calm before a Storm
Author: Bill the Radish
Part: 1/1
Warnings: Only the vaguest of references to yaoi, otherwise gen and possibly disturbing.
Disclaimer: Can I disclaim the entire fic? ^^; None of it's mine.
Summery: A lucid look at an insane mind.
Pairing: N/A
Archive: Yeah! ^^
C&C: Please?
Notes: :P Stream of consciousness.

***
Calm before a Storm
***

It's quiet.

I don't trust the quiet.

Things were quiet before and I didn't notice. Then, kaasan changed. They took her away then and that made tousan change, just not as badly. He wasn't as bad as kaasan, he didn't try to hurt us. So they left us with him.

Baka.

Moments like this, rare little fragments of time where my mind is whole, I like to reflect on the idiocy that killed my brother and I.

My brother...

Chasing after two girls when he wants neither. Purposely acting the fool. Keeping others at bay with an ego that seems to be the size of Tokyo. Does anyone realize how insecure you really are? Do they care?

He reminds me of myself, but only when I'm like this.

Neither of us have any claim to happiness anymore. My brother, chasing his false dreams and I... Half my life *is* dreams, the other half nightmares. Except for my brief moments of lucidity, I live in fantasy. I love being able to think like this but...

I hate the knowledge it brings.

There's water on my face. Is it raining..? No. Tears. They taste bitter. The salt of humanity fills each drop. Why? After all I've done, everything that's happened... Can I really call myself human?

The tears say I can.

Liars.

Everything I've done... Poor Tatchi. My insanity started long before it had a 'healthy' outlet. Ranma, you came too late to save him.

Kaasan told me about the bad people, warned me to stay away from them. I wonder. Did she know Tatchi was one of them?

I know she lied. Even in the clutches of insanity, I know. But, that's now and that was then. Tatchi, gomen nasai. Someday. Someday I will find a way to undo all that I have done. Someday...

I can feel it pulling at the edges of my mind, ripping the lucidity from me. Once, just once, I watched it happen in the mirror. A perfectly normal face, young, beautiful, full of life and...normality.

Then it came.

My eyes glassed over even as I watched them and obsession sprung to life. The obsession hadn't been chosen yet but those eyes...

They weren't mine.

Just as the eyes I wear now are not mine. No good will come of this brief moment of sanity but... Maybe next time. For now, the insanity's here and will keep the quiet at bay.

Kaasan, I will make you proud of me...

***
owari
***